You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
