my sisters under your porch take her home
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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