Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize