He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
