nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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