For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
