just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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