I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
