I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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