I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
