Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
