Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
and you said cock pushups were impossible
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
