I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
