put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
