I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
