honey bunches of taint.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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