that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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