the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
