My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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