We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
