Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
