i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
