My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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