I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my sisters under your porch take her home
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We need to get me chipped asap
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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