I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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