You're so nebulous sometimes
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
