I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
