There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
