Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
