He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
mondays should just be called national damage control day
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
