Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize