glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
