I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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