You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
