he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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