So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize