he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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