He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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