I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
