There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
