I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
