Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
