i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
