Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
