guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
