Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize