she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
did i just pee glitter
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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