Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
