In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
