Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Your shirt... Was in my pants
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
