the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
