Apparently you make a good broom.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
