So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
