even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
