I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
