I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
