I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
