quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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