i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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