I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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