is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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