So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize
