I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
