Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
