My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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