life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
