It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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