That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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