Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
