I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
