when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
