she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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