just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize