My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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