the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just cut my nipple shaving
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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