I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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