Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize