who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I want a musical about memes.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
