remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
