party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
