i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
