How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
