dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
