why didn't you poke me back
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
