you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You made out with two different species that night
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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