It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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