It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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