Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am naked and annoyed.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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