I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
