Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i think i just lost a toe
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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