I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
