you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
