the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Shame is for Republicans.
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