yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
