Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
