The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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