no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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