well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
