Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
