Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
