my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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